I can’t believe that I’m leaving again. It seems too soon. I can feel my heart torn in two. On the one hand, I want to stay here, to be here with Ashleigh. On the other hand, I know I can do more good by going out into the world and finding a cure. I know this is all connected and time is of the essence, if my theory is to be believed.
It’s hard to say goodbye. I hate leaving Sabwa. I love it here. I feel… I feel at home for the first time. I feel safe and loved and among friends. I feel accepted for who and what I am. I’m going to miss Marius. He’s been such a mentor to me. He is a father-figure, the father I never really got to know, the father I no longer have. I would give my life for him in a heart beat. I love him. It’s going to be hard to say goodbye to him again, not knowing when next we’ll meet. Too many things can happen along the way, as inevitably they always do.
I like sitting here, in this room that will one day hold the laughter and the cries of Kiira’s baby. I like sitting here by Ashleigh, even if he is silent. His presence is comforting. I love this quiet time, studying, drawing conclusions and theories based on my studies. I love listening to Grimm finish his hammering as I close my eyes to sleep for the night.
I feel sad that this is all coming to an end, like Sabwa was a brief place to rest. But I don’t feel rested, I feel more restless. I feel like I’m leaving home again, but this time I’m not looking forward to the adventure. This time I’m wanting to get it over so I can come home again.
So tonight I lay here, listening to the hammering for the last time, gazing at Ashleigh’s still form, and encourage myself to keep faith. I’ll come back. I have to.